Sometimes I find myself bouncing around in my own head.. gotta wonder if there isn't a virtual trampoline in there... I feel like that old cartoon character from Lady and the Tramp... ya know.. the Hound that lost his sense of smell... and continues to ask his buddies " which way did he go..". Yup.. that's me today. Sooo many twists and turns come at you in life.. like you're going 90 miles an hour on a road that is clearly meant for uphill slow moving traffic only... CRAZY.. right.. or not? It would be so simple really.... if my choices only influenced me. But that isn't how it works. I have 5 beautiful children.. who depend on me and my husband to provide for them.. and to me that includes more than the standard.. food, clothing, and shelter. I want them to live an enriched life, full of spiritual knowledge, Faith, Confidence, and a Passion to Love God and live out His calling. Easy right?
High standards.. maybe.. but I'm not expecting perfection.. just to know that I have given everything I have to give them the best chance at life. They deserve that.
At this moment in my life.. I am at a crossroads that split.. and split again.. and like a game of chess.. the choices vs consequences are getting so far down the road.. I can't remember what's right in front of me.
Of Course I Pray for Guidance.. and I am trying harder than I ever have in my life to achieve some balance at trusting in His timing.. and not sitting idely by .. expecting a hand out.. it's like walking a tight wire that the goal is your family's survival.. no falling allowed.
In case you're totally lost.. which if I was you.. I would be.. let me enlighten you.. a bit anyway. We have gone some time without a personal paycheck from the company we own... and the moment of decision is approaching.. actually we have already made some decisions and now are waist deep in some dark water.. the other side is visible.. and it won't get much deeper.. no fear of drowning.. but the knowledge that getting to the other side is still some distance.. and fear of whether I can trudge that far can over come me.. I am tired. I know you know how I feel. I know this because not a soul alive in this world makes it out without some battle scars.. I'm just sharing mine.
Friends.. I will remember you and your trials tonight.. whoever you are.. wherever you are.. would you remember me too.. God Bless you!
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